On Getting It Right and Good Mistakes

Image via @lazycreekimages on Unsplash

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams

“I want to get this right,” I heard myself saying more than once recently. Holding people's stories, whether ancient or modern, proves a precious responsibility. However, with self-imposed pressure to be correct comes stress. I also feel the speed coaster of emotions that comes with creating something new in all areas of my life.

I asked my physician for an anti-anxiety med this week. I told her I do all the things to combat anxiety: I walk midday in nature, eat healthy, hang out with friends, meditate, pray, breathe, yoga, etc. Yet, I sleep not. Have you ever tried to create something when you haven't caught enough zzz's in a week? Brutal, my friend.

The point of this project is not to do anything perfectly. Of course, I want to get my facts straight and hone in on particularity. But I'm leaking joy, like my car sometimes leaks oil. That's a warning light on my dash. 

My project needs more clarity (or boundaries) and freedom to make mistakes. I need sleep, strong poetry, and a hefty dose of beauty.

My advisors who are also artists have been most encouraging: “Give yourself lots of grace,” “It will come together,” “Sounds pretty normal.” There's also wisdom in assessing timetables against real life. 

In the spirit of experimentation, mistakes, and knowing what to keep, here are a few self-portraits I rather like. I picked up my camera on a whim and played for 20 minutes with mood, expressions, and natural light (my office window). 

As part of my self-care regime, I'm heading to Colorado for a week. I'm going to soak up mountain air, write as feels necessary, and maybe I'll have some mistake poems to share with you next time as well.